My eardrums were shattered by the squeals of teenage girls throughout The Longest Ride, so please excuse me if my review is a bit one-sided. To be fair, maybe being unable to hear the awful dialogue in this film was probably better. If anything, I’d say the movie’s title is pretty accurate — this movie really is the Longest Ride, because it keeps riding. And riding. And riding. And it never seems to reach its destination.

The Longest Ride is another Nicholas Sparks romance film, this time starring Scott Eastwood as the rebellious, handsome dude and Brittany Robertson as the innocent pretty girl. Because that’s all the characters ever are in these movies. Honestly, I don’t want to talk about nor do I care about the plot, so we’ll skip that and just get to the bashing.

The acting in this movie isn’t bad, but it isn’t good either. In fact, it was nothing. Just acting. Not an exceptional performance or a laughably bad one. The actors were just there. In fact, the only time the two leads ever seemed interested was when they were kissing each other. And who wouldn’t be interested if it was Brittany Robertson you were kissing?

The generic formula is back, guys, and it’s heavier than ever. Girl meets guy through some coincidental means. Girl and guy fall in love. Girl’s parents disapprove. And after several breakups and get-togethers later, you have a delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Oh, sorry, I meant a Nicholas Sparks film. It’s hard to tell the difference, because both are bland and outmatched by their competition. I’m sorry, does it sound like I’m being a bit opinionated? Well, that’s what happens when you watch a million Nicholas Sparks films expecting something new, and are disappointed every, single, time. If The Longest Ride was honestly trying to be something new, it would have chosen a better novel to adapt from, or rather, a more original author (because I heard the book was actually pretty decent).

I’m sure you’re thinking to yourself “this guy must hate everything”, which is totally not true. The other thing you’re probably wondering is if there was anything good about the movie, so yes, there were a few good things.

If you like tear-jerkers, get out your tissues, because indeed, this movie is pretty sad. But sad movies only really affect you if you care about the characters, which I didn’t (results may vary). The movie does have some great heartwarming scenes. And if I rated this movie solely based on how much it warmed my heart, it would have earned 15 out of 10 stars. But it also needs to be a good movie to earn that rating. And… yeah. It’s not.

Overall, The Longest Ride was boring, uninspired, unoriginal and poorly acted. But, being a movie with a good amount of genuine heart to it, I can’t completely trash it. I’ll give it two out of five stars and a recommendation for any girl looking to take her boyfriend to the most boring movie ever. He’ll be so bored he won’t be able to help focusing on you.