Have you ever wanted to see a movie so amazing that you are literally left in awe at the absolute beautiful of its cinematography (assuming you know what that is)?

Well, Pacific Rim isn’t it.

Pacific Rim is an action movie released in the summer of 2013 that focuses on the premise that the world is under attack by giant cousins of Godzilla known as “Kaiju” (which literally translates to “strange creature”…they didn’t pay the creative team enough for that one). The Kaiju climb out of a bizarre crevice in the middle of the Pacific Ocean (hence the name) and threaten the world. And what could possibly stop them? Giant fighting robots, of course.

These would-be Transformers are called “Jaegers,” which is German for “hunter” (apparently, English a little too simple for this over-the-top movie). Each Jaeger is run by two people who connect their brains to control the robot and fight off those nasty Kaiju monsters with these practically magical laser cannons that only Jaegers can use…uh, yeah. Moving on…

We are supposed to feel sympathy for the boring main character, Raleigh Becket (Charlie Hunnam), who lost his brother while they were piloting a Jaeger. This pity-party back story keeps rising up like a dedicated zombie, as if you didn’t quite appreciate it the first 300 times they crammed it down your throat.

Raleigh has to pick out a new partner for his Transformer, and they have to be compatible for their brains to connect. After checking out this Asian chick for about ten minutes (while sharing as few words as possible) Raleigh just knows intuitively that their brains are compatible and they need to be in a giant fighting robot together. Yeah…I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works.

That’s the synopsis of the story, but hardly the end of the nonsense. This movie understood that people liked fighting robots, and gave you fighting robots. Just…not much else. If you manage to avoid the gaping plot holes left every 10 feet by the totally non-interactive characters in this over-sized version of Rock’em Sock’em Robots, you might actually enjoy the film. Assuming you look past the fact that the commanding officer is a Nick Fury wannabe without the eye-patch. I was not this lucky.

I suppose the movie does deserve some recognition for the one thing it did well. The CGI that appears in EVERY scene is admittedly impressive. But even that couldn’t save the movie from having little to no real substance.

One of the biggest things that jumped out at me were the dozens of numerous errors and discontinuities riddled throughout the film. You might think, “Gee, that doesn’t sound too bad.” But what  happens to a movie when its very foundation is so ridiculous you need to unplug your brain to enjoy it–but you CAN’T because every time you try, you notice yet ANOTHER error and get sucked into the never-ending cycle of movie flaws? I’ll tell you what happens — you turn the movie off the second the credits roll and then seek revenge by writing a movie review like this.

But by all means, don’t take my word for it. Have a look at the official Pacific Rim trailer, found above. Since it wraps up all the best moments of the film into a two-minute video, you’ll be able to skip the movie itself and spend the two hours you saved doing something far more interesting. Like studying for that Algebra test.