Most Likely to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

If you’re a fan of The Walking Dead or zombie movies, have you ever wondered who would survive a zombie apocalypse at FCHS? In a recent survey, Fluco Beat staff asked this exact question of a number of Flucos, and the results might surprise you.

When asked who would survive in the event that the dead came back to life, students and staff polled suggested many names, which were then narrowed down to a final five: senior Sophie Kershner, junior Ethan Solga, and teachers David Small, Jimmy Koczan, and David Blaha. Students were then asked to vote on which of these individuals would be left standing against the zombies.

Here are the final, hypothetical results, as well as some tongue-in-cheek insight from the “survivors” themselves.

Ethan Solga

Solga has been described as friendly and a musically-inclined “friend of everyone,” which are perhaps surprising characteristics for a survivor. When interviewed, he admitted he has spent about six years playing lacrosse, so he has considerable knowledge in whacking things with sticks, plus he knows how to climb trees well. Many students believed he would live through the zombie apocalypse due to his whimsical imagination which might help him think his way out of a dangerous situation.

Solga’s weapons of choice in the event of a zombie apocalypse would be a bat with barbed wire and a sniper rifle. “I’d probably have my head bashed in with my own bat, to be honest,” said Solga. Students and staff voted him first most likely to fall to a zombie horde.

Sophie Kershner

Kershner, a well-known student athlete, said that “sass and sarcasm” would be her key to surviving a zombie apocalypse. Kershner has multiple years of softball, volleyball, and swim under her belt, all of which she feels would give her the advantage of skill and strength. She said her weapons of choice to fight zombies would be a baseball or softball bat and a crossbow, both of which she has used multiple times.

Unfortunately for Kershner, students voted her as the second most likely to meet her demise at the hands of zombies. “I believe I would die covering my allies,” said Kershner.

David Small

Many students consider Small as a kind, often funny teacher. However, others feel he may have a secretly deadly side. He spent much of his younger years running and as he grew older he also gained significant handyman skills. He runs the Outdoor Adventure class at the high school, giving him expert knowledge in tying knots, first aid procedures, and living off the land.  

Small said his choice of weapons would be his guitar and mime skills.  “I bet I could summon Bigfoot to come help me,” said Small. Sadly, students voted Small only the third most likely to survive a zombie outbreak.

Jimmy Koczan

Koczan is known among some staff members as being fellow “survivor” David Blaha’s best friend. But would he actually become Blaha’s worst enemy if it came down to just them versus zombies? “I know I would end up saving Blaha with my superior shooting skills,” Koczan argues.

The Spanish teacher played football for six years and baseball for 15 years in his youth, first shot a gun when he was five, and has been hunting since he was very young– all factors showing he has skills to survive. If he were to choose two weapons to fight the undead, Koczan said, they would be a machete and a rifle. Perhaps his skills and steely deterimination in classroom discipline convinced some students of his survival abilities, since students and staff voted him second most likely to survive.

David Blaha

Voted most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse, Blaha was determined by those polled to have the attitude to survive and the background to prove it. A multi-sports athlete during high school, Blaha took up his teaching career after serving as a deck-gunner in the Coast Guard for six consecutive years. He said his weapons of choice would be an Enfield British army sniper rifle, and a Smith and Wesson .357 Magnum.

“Yeah, I would survive because I would surround myself with people who would sacrifice themselves for me,” said Blaha with confidence.

May Flucos never have the opportunity to find out if their votes were accurate.